Dream BIG!!

There are so many things I want to do during my life, so many places to see, people to meet and goals to accomplish. So a few years ago I decided to jot all those things down and scratch them off as I complete them, sort of a bucket list I suppose. Tonight, for whatever reason, I decided I would share that list with y’all. Mainly, because I’ve had writers block for the past week and don’t know what else to write about. So here’s my Bucket List, in no particular order. Enjoy!

Bucket List

»       Learn to play an instrument

»       Speak God’s Word to an unbeliever

»       Continue to grow in God’s Word everyday

»       Fall in love and marry a man who has a working relationship with God

»       Have my own kids

»       Ride an elephant

»       Experience a legit Notebook kiss

»       Learn to cook a real Italian meal

»       Watch the Northern Lights

»       Spend an entire summer night doing nothing, but watching the stars from sunset to sunrise with someone I truly care about

»       Walk along the beach at night with an amazing guy

»       Never stop learning new things

»       Slow dance in a summer thunderstorm

»       Go white water rafting

»       Get married at a truly beautiful location in Kansas

»       Get my Bachelors degree in Animal Science and Industry

»       Get my Veterinary Assistant certification

»       Go to Veterinary school

»       Own a pet otter

»       Raise and break a horse on my own

»       Carry on my Grandma Bader’s holiday traditions

»       Read everything published by Edgar Allen Poe, Shakespeare, Mark Twain, and Steinbeck

»       Go bungee jumping at least once

»       Skydive

»       Learn how to base jump

»       Tour the entire country of Italy

»       Visit all 50 states and see their National monuments

»       Hike in every National forest

»       Swim with Dolphins

»       Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef

»       Learn to surf

»       Sit on top of the Hollywood sign

»       Backpack across Europe

»       Go on an African safari

»       Hike across the Galapagos Islands

»       Visit Greece

»       Learn to belly dance

»       Go on a cruise through the Panama Canal

»       See the Himalayans, Niagra Falls, Mount Kilimanjaro, and Mount Everest.

»       Visit the Australian outback

»       Go on a Jungle expedition

»       Experience an earthquake

»       Find something I’m passionate about and hold on to it

»       Go skiing and/or snowboarding

»       Learn to skateboard

»       Visit all of the 7 wonders of the ancient world, new world and natural wonders

»       Learn how to bow fish

»       Become fluent in Italian and Spanish

»       Stay best friends with my siblings’ my entire life

»       Never regret anything, but instead learn from my mistakes

»       Conquer ALL my fears

»       Write a song and a poem

»       Explore the Amazon

»       Spend at least a year away from everything I’ve known my whole life

»       Always appreciate the little things

I realize several of the things on this list are ridiculous, but it’s my list so I don’t care. :) I keep adding to it as I think of new things, hopefully I’ll get to achieve all of them. I realize there are a lot of things on this list and they’ll cost a lot of money, but hey if you’re going to dream you might as well dream big. So that’s what I’m doing, dreamin’ BIG, big as the ocean blue!

Do you have a bucket list? If you do share it! If not, you make one, its fun. DO IT! Here’s a song to help get ya started. :)

That’s All For Now Folks!

Why I Write

Writing is freeing, writing is wonderful, and writing is….tricky. Well it is for me at least. I absolutely LOVE writing it’s one of my favorite things to do and I like to think I’m good at it. I can put off writing a 5 page essay for weeks, then the hour before it’s due the words will just fly from my fingertips. I’ve done this all through high school and college and never gotten a grade lower than a B on any of my papers, the only reason I’ve gotten that low is because I’m horrible at grammar. Writing is just so easy and natural for me, but I also find it….well tricky.

Writing is freeing, you see I’m awful at having serious conversations with people; it is easily my biggest flaw. This is mainly because I HATE talking about feelings. For some reason I have this thought that if I tell people what I’m thinking or feeling they will think I’m crazy or stupid and make fun of me. I know the probability of them actually doing that is extremely slim, but that one little thought becomes a ticking mind bomb. When I have to have a serious conversation with someone I start freaking out, I stumble all over my words, I have a million thoughts running through my head, and then I completely blank on what I want to say. I’ve tried to get over this stupid flaw by forcing myself to have serious conversations with people, but this tiny little mind bomb always ends up exploding. I’ve only been able to have a serious conversation with two people in my life without tearing up or walking out during the conversation. One of them is my older brother, the other my best friend since 8^th grade. I HATE talking about my feelings, telling people my deepest thoughts and feelings makes me feel weak and powerless. It makes me feel like that person will somehow use the information I’m giving them against me. I know most of the people in my life would never do that, but that thought is still there. To me that is the worst thought and feeling in the world. So I avoid serious conversations like the plague. When someone asks me a personal question that I know is going to lead to a serious conversation I freeze; I get super quite, I will tap either my fingers or foot, and I wait for them to change the subject or I give them a short answer, avoid eye contact and walk away. Over the years I’ve gotten better at forcing myself to have more and more serious conversations with people, but it still freaks me out every time, so instead I write. I write down all my thoughts and feelings, I write exactly what I want to say and it always flows the way I want it to, without any interruptions. By writing down all my thoughts and feelings I can keep myself from bottling everything up, but at the same time I can avoid talking about it. Writing is freeing.

Writing is wonderful, it allows me to vent in a way. Since I’m no good at serious conversations, I write down all my thoughts and feelings instead. I know it’s a bit ridiculous, but it’s a way around my stupid little fear. Writing is my escape from reality. When I write the words just flow, I can write about anything I want; my inspiration, my dreams, my feelings, my day, a story, anything. I write almost every day, I can just sit down in front of a blank page not even knowing what I want to write about and after about five minutes ideas just start flowing and words fill up page after page. The blank page won’t judge me for what I tell it, it won’t laugh at me, or think of me any differently. It just lets me fill it up with all my deepest thoughts. After I’m done writing I always feel a huge sense of accomplishment, almost like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I may not have been able to have a serious conversation, but I was able to tell that blank page everything that was on my mind and I was able to do it without any interruptions, judgmental looks, and a mind bomb exploding. When I write I can choose to be as vague or as descriptive as I want. Usually when I’m in a bad mood my writing is short and abrupt, but when I’m in a good mood my writing is long and elaborate. I can paint a picture of my thoughts so you’ll feel like you were there, like you lived it. I can’t do that in a serious conversation so yes, writing is wonderful.

Writing is….tricky. I usually do my best writing when I can’t sleep, I wrote my first blog post around 2 in the morning while fighting to keep my eyelids open, it only took me about an hour and a half. Right now it’s 11:00 at night and I’m having a hard time ending this post. Ridiculous! When I write during the day I feel like the words never flow as well, almost like I think too much when I’m writing instead of just writing. Also, if I walk away from my writing for longer than a couple minutes, I have to start completely over. I’m not sure why, but it’s suddenly not what I want to say anymore. If you were to go through my computer you would find tons and tons of half written documents. It’s a problem. Writing is tricky. On top of that writing for a blog is scary. Since I mainly write about my personal thoughts, feelings and experiences it’s extremely scary to share my writing, and I will never share my writing before it is finished. Since I never finished a lot of my writing, I never show it to anyone. This blog is the first time I’ve attempted to finish my writing and the first time I’ve shared my personal writing with the public, so if there are long periods of time in between posts I apologize. All I can say is writing is tricky.

A few quotes I love about writing… 

Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted.
Jules Renard

For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me.
Jack Dann 

Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it.
Jesse Stuar

Kansas Girl

There’s no use trying to hide it because, it keeps on shining through; it comes out in the way I talk, dream, dress, work and walk. I’m a Kansas girl all the way through. Some may think it’s a bad thing, but I know it’s really a blessing and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m a Kansas girl born and raised and I'm proud to be that way. Many think Kansas is a boring, dull and flat place; they make jokes about the little rectangular state or talk down on its people and its ways. I smile and laugh along, their jokes don’t bother me, because I know the true beauty of Kansas and that’s what I’ll always see. So go ahead, joke and tease, I’ll even joke back about my silly little state and it’s silly little ways, but if you have a moment I’ll share with you the beauty that I see.

I'd like to start by sharing with you a poem about Kansas by Esther M. (Clark) Hill

The Call Of Kansas
Surfeited here with beauty, and the sensuous-sweet perfume,
Borne in from a thousand gardens and orchards of orange-bloom
Awed by the silent mountains; stunned by the breakers roar,^__
The restless ocean pounding and tugging away at the shore,^__
I lie on the warm sand beach and hear, above the crys of the sea,
The voice of the prairie calling,
Calling me.
Sweeter to me than the salt sea spray, the fragrance of summer
rains;
Nearer my heart than these mighty hills are the windswept
Kansas plains.
Dearer the sight of a shy, wild rose, by the roadside's dusty way,
Than all the splendor of poppy-fields, ablaze in the sun of May.
Gay as the bold poinsettia is and the wild burden of pepper trees,
The sunflower, tawny and gold and brown, is richer to me, than
these.
And rising ever above the song of the hoarse insistent sea,
The voice of the prairie calling,
Calling me.
Kansas, beloved Mother, today in an alien land,
Yours is the name I have idly traced with a bit of wood in the
sand,
The name, that, flung from a scornful lip, will make the hot
blood start;
The name that is graven, hard and deep, on the core of my
loyal heart.
O, higher, clearer and stronger yet, than the boom of the savage
sea,
The voice of the prairie calling,
Calling me.

I think this poem describes Kansas and my feelings towards my home state beautifully, but I suppose I’ll try to describe it in my own words as well.

A traveler going through Kansas would only see miles and miles of endless, flat prairie, a boring sight to the untrained eye. However when I look at Kansas I see a very different sight. I see miles and miles of gorgeous rolling plains and breathtaking sunsets.During a Kansas fall you can see every color known to man. The mixture of colors on the trees, in the sky and on the ground is astonishing. I think everything about Kansas is absolutely beautiful from it's scenery to it's funny little ways. When I see wheat, corn or beans I don’t just see a plain boring field, I see all the hard work that farmer put into his crop. I see all the endless hours of plowing and planting that he and his farm hands did, and will have to do before the year is through. When I pass a feedlot packed full of cattle I don’t scrunch my nose and talk about how ugly it is. Instead, I see its beauty. I admire all the hard work the men and women working that feedlot do, and I see all the people those cattle are going to feed. I’ve been to several other states and seen beautiful sites like redwood trees, the ocean, mountains, canyons, and much more. Even after seeing all of that the most beautiful sight in the world to me is a field of hay right after it has been baled. I don’t know why, but I love seeing the newly cut fields with all the big round bales of hay scattered around. It’s so beautiful to me and my all time favorite view. 

When most see a muddy Kansas river, creek or stream they turn up their noses and walk on by, but I see so much more. I see endless hours of fun for native Kansans. I see a family canoeing and enjoying the peacefulness of the river, a father teaching his daughter how to skip a rock, or a group of children swimming and playing water games. I see a young man teaching his girlfriend how to bow fish, old men casting out their lines, and a group of friends hanging out and drinking beer in the back of a jacked up truck on the river bank. I see the old tree hanging out over the muddy river and the rope swing all frayed and torn from years of use. I see the old oak trees roots washed out from when the river rose above the bank. Numerous memories begin to flood my mind, memories of exploring the caves underneath the trees and coming back with little treasures the river deposited there such as, old bottles, arrow heads, and animal skulls. I know that muddy little river can provide so many different adventures so when I see one I sit on the bank and admire its beauty or I jump in and soak up its life.

Kansas is so blessed with the diverse amount of wildlife it has. Whenever I’m back home I always like to have my camera by my side, because at any given moment you could see; deer, rabbits, possums, badgers, armadillos, raccoons, prairie dogs, foxes, coyotes, skunks, river otters, hawks, vultures, eagles, bobcats and maybe even a mountain lion. If you take the time you can really see how amazing each animal is, I think it’s absolutely incredible how many different ways animals are designed, from their coloring to their anatomy everything about the various creatures amazes me. I love catching glimpses of the blue merle bobcat living on our property, or waking up to the sound of birds singing outside my window. I love hearing the howl of the coyotes and the hoot of the owls in the night sky. I enjoy going to friends houses and seeing their latest taxidermy mounts. I think it’s so cool to hear people tell stories of their hunt and how they out smarted the animal in its environment and to see how big that animal was. For the hunter to be able to hold that huge rack of antlers and show off how big, beautiful and powerful their kill was is incredible to me. I love how we not only get to admire the beauty of the animal during it's life, but we also get to hunt those animals if we so choose.

Kansas is also full of small towns and small town folk, yet another amazing thing about my home. I grew up in one of those little towns. Douglass, Kansas has a population of 1,500 people. It’s Just the right size. There were about 300 kids in my high school, 57 in my graduating class, and I love how I knew everyone. I knew who lived on each street of the town and they were all in walking distance of each other. I love the old building and the bricked streets. I love how everyone waves as you drive by and how you can’t go to the Jack and Jill grocery store without hearing the latest news. I love how everyone supports the school sports teams through good and bad, and how everyone comes together as a community in times of need. I love the Frontier Days festival that my small home town puts on every year. It starts off every year with a parade through town everyone joins in on their 4-wheelers, horses, tractors, floats, and various other means of transportation. Then there are carnival rides, a car show, photography contest, fair booths, and a street dance. There are so many great memories to be made in little Kansas towns.

One of my favorite things about Kansas is that even though it actually goes through all four seasons it can still be completely unpredictable. It can snow in mid June, be completely windy one minute then completely still the next, get scorching hot or freezing cold. On a perfect sunny day a thunderstorm can all of a sudden pop out of the sky. I LOVE Kansas weather! It’s true that the weather in Kansas can be absolutely awful, in the summer it can get up to 111 degrees and in the winter it can drop to -20 degrees. Obviously that’s not fun, but the crazy in between weather is. Summer thunderstorms in Kansas are by far the best thing ever! It is absolutely amazing how it’s super hot and sunny out then all of a sudden the warmth is still there, but the sky goes dark and rain just starts coming down. Playing in a summer thunderstorm and is one of the best feelings in the world. If you’ve never done it you’re seriously missing out. I love going out in a storm and feeling the rain fall on me as I watch the huge clouds roll across the sky or lying on the couch watching the lightning spider across the clouds and hearing the thunder roar. I always get my best night’s sleep during a Kansas thunderstorm; it’s so peaceful and calming. After a summer storm everyone is always in an amazing mood and muddin’ is definitely a go. Another incredible thing about Kansas weather is tornadoes and hail. They aren’t good things by any means, but the changes in the sky when they happen are. Before a tornado the air always gets really still, the sky turns kind of a green color, and you start to see funnel clouds. Then it will start hailing…I always thought it was interesting how all that happens every time it's incredible to watch.

Last of all, I’ve never seen a sunset or sunrise prettier than the ones in Kansas. There are always so many different shades of orange, red, pink, blue and purple. I love sitting on the big boulder at the edge of my parents drive and watching the sun sink down across the field. It’s breathtaking. All the different colors start out clearly defined, then they slowly start to mesh together and make new shades of their previous colors, after just a couple hours they completely fade away. When you stop gazing at the horizon realizing the beautiful colors are gone you can look up and see the amazing night’s sky with all the stars and moon lit up so bright. After I watch a sunset I just lay on my back and stare up at the stars, within a matter of minutes you can find the big dipper, see a dozen shooting stars, or just fall into your own thoughts as you look at that gorgeous Kansas sky.

Do you see the beauty now? I certainly do. Kansas isn’t for everyone though, you could feel the same way about California, New York, or any state in between and that is completely fine with me. Right now, I love how I get to live in a place as amazing as California and I am so blessed to be able to. Kansas will always be my home in this world though; I absolutely love it there and plan on moving back someday. I would take a field of hay bales over the beach and ocean any day. Until I do move back though I have the privilege of enjoying the beauties of California, I get to enjoy the mountains, beaches, people and big city life for awhile and experience so many new things. I'll never forget my roots and my home though and till I return I’m proud to be a Kansas girl.

A Song of the Western Plains
Edith King Rees

To a small sod shanty, The mansion of the claim,
Mid the rows of sod corn, A little baby came.
The sun flowers laughed joyously, And told it to the sun;
The winds went singing on their way, And told to ev'ry one,

Chorus:
A Kansas girl is the girl for me, A girl that's bred on the broad prairie,
Where the sun shines far, And the winds blow free,
A Kansas girl is the girl for me.

Where stood that old sod shanty, Stand schools and churches fair,
And that little baby, Is now a woman rare.
She knows the coyotes howling, And she knows a college yell;
She's ev'ry thing a girl should be, And ev'ry where I tell,

Chorus:
A Kansas girl is the girl for me, A girl that's bred on the broad prairie,
Where the sun shines far, And the winds blow free,
A Kansas girl is the girl for me.